The Bonds We Break (The Four #5) Page 18

  Me: I can’t, I’m sorry. Please give me the space I need

  Cassius: *sad face emoji* I want to see you but if you need space I can give it to you, as long as you’re OK. Tell me if you change your mind

  The tears came in earnest, then.

  It was over.

  Now I had to find a way to get over Cassius Drummond and move on with my life. Without him in it.

  “This is a fucking awkward conversation.” Austin half laughed, half groaned.

  I couldn’t help teasing him a bit as I lay back on the sofa, kicking my legs over the armrest. Running a hand lightly over my ribs, I breathed out steadily, grateful that the pain was no longer there. “How is it awkward? Don’t you have conversations about castration very often?”

  “Don’t say that word to me again,” he cautioned. It was now almost three weeks since I’d been back at home, and I was feeling better than I had in a really, really long time. Other than the constant hollow ache inside me, reminding me how much I missed Cassius—that was something I was forcing myself to ignore, because acknowledging it would undo all the progress I’d made. My final year at Alstone College was due to start next week, and I was determined to make the most of it. No more hiding away. I was going to work hard and play hard, but not in the way I’d done previously. I had no desire whatsoever to hook up with any other man, not when my heart belonged to someone else.

  Pushing all those thoughts out of my head, I returned my attention to my brother, adjusting my grip on my phone. “Sorry. So it was some kind of revenge thing because he didn’t think that any other woman would want him?”

  “Don’t you dare feel sorry for him, Jessa. Do I need to remind you what that fucker did to you?”

  I sighed. “Believe me, I don’t feel sorry for him. I’m…sorry that it all happened, I guess.”

  His voice softened. “I know. But none of it was your fault.” He paused, and I could hear him breathe out heavily before he continued. “It sounds like he took it as a personal offence that you got away from him in the first place. Coupled with his injury—” I could hear his wince through the phone, and I couldn’t help my smirk, although I did feel bad about it. “—it was enough to set you in his sights. Some people…honestly, Jessa…you’ll never really understand their motives. So don’t drive yourself mad trying to work out why he did what he did.”

  “I’m not,” I assured him. “In fact—”

  My door buzzer sounded loudly. “Hold on, there’s someone at the door.” I didn’t feel any sense of caution anymore, but I still took the time to glance at the small video screen mounted on the wall next to my door that Weston and Lena had installed for me a week earlier. It showed me who was at the entrance door to the building, and as far as everyone else in the building was concerned, who had also received the video upgrade, it was an aspect of security that was well overdue.

  Smiling, I hit the button to let my friends in. “I’ve got to go now. I’ll talk to you soon?”

  “Will do.” Austin was back to his usual businesslike self. Then he added, “Take care, okay?”

  A smile curved over my lips. “You too.”

  When the knock came on my apartment door, I was still smiling. Winter, Lena, and Kinslee piled in, along with Sophie and Kelly, two other girls from my degree course. I headed into my tiny kitchen to grab the bottles of wine I’d left chilling in the fridge, then returned, placing them down on my coffee table next to the glasses that I’d left there earlier.

  “Where shall we put all this?” Kinslee lifted two bags in the air, overflowing with snacks.

  “What happened to your dining table?” Lena asked at the same time, eyeing the broken table that I’d propped up against the wall, not having managed to get around to getting rid of it.

  “Coffee table?” I suggested to Kinslee, pointedly ignoring Lena’s gaze, feeling my cheeks heating.

  “Jessa? The dining table?” Lena wasn’t letting it go.

  “It was your brother, okay?” I buried my face in my hands.

  “My broth—ugh!”

  Everyone other than Lena fell about laughing as I raised my head. I knew I was still flushed, but I guess it was kind of funny.

  “Don’t say anything else about it.” Lena held a hand in the air. “Seriously.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Giving her an innocent smile, I changed the subject. “Wine, anyone?”

  The evening passed in a blur of laughter, conversation about the upcoming semester, and general chat about the people we knew. Nothing malicious, all light-hearted, and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I could get used to this.

  Much, much later, when all the wine was gone and the conversation was winding down, we were sprawled out across the sofa and the floor. One of the After movies was playing in the background, and all the girls were deep in discussion about books versus TV and film adaptations. From my position on the floor, leaning my head back against the sofa next to Lena’s leg, I stretched my legs out in front of me, tired but happy.

  “He misses you.” Winter’s voice was soft. She was lying on my rug on her stomach, head propped up on her elbows.

  My heart beat faster. “Does he?”

  She studied me silently, her gaze serious, before she huffed out a breath. “You have to know how he feels about you.”

  “It was never anything serious with him. Not on his end.”

  “Do you honestly believe that?”

  Lowering my voice, I shifted closer to her. “Yes. Look, I know he enjoyed my company. Enjoyed the, um, sex. But you know what he said to Caiden and Zayde after everything had happened? When he came to my rescue? He said that he would have done the same for anyone, even if it was someone he didn’t know.”

  “He what?” Winter’s mouth twisted. “Hang on a minute. He cares about you, Jessa. I… Okay, look, this isn’t really my place to say this, but you have to realise. It was him that pushed for getting those camera buzzers installed here. He checks up on you with Austin all the time, and not only that, this evening we’re having was his idea. I mean, I was going to suggest getting together anyway, but he came to me with the idea. He worries about you.”

  I shook my head. This had nothing to do with him feeling any kind of way for me. It was in his nature to care about others, and in my case, it was also the fact that he had a misplaced sense of guilt for everything that had happened to me. “Don’t you see? To him, I was a summer fuck buddy. No more or less important than anyone else. And that’s fine, and I’ve made my peace with it. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to it in the first place.” My voice grew louder, completely unintentionally, as thoughts of him bombarded my mind, one after the other. “I wouldn’t change anything about him—he said exactly what I expected he would after he came to my rescue. That’s him, isn’t it? He would have helped anyone. He cares because he’s got the biggest heart, and I love him for it. He’s just…well, he’s Cassius, y’know?” I finished with a helpless shrug, tears pricking at the back of my eyelids.

  It was then that I noticed that the movie had been paused and five pairs of eyes were focused on me.

  “So.” Lena eventually broke the heavy silence. “You’re in love with my brother, huh?”

  TWENTY-SIX

  The day had arrived—the first day of my final year at Alstone College. We’d had our usual “welcome back to Alstone College” party, hosted at our house just two days earlier, and it was then that I knew something was wrong.

  Yeah, maybe I knew before then, but coming around to a whole new way of thinking wasn’t a quick or easy process for me.

  The party, though…

  “Who’s invited?”

  Standing at the kitchen island and staring down at his phone, Cade threw his head up at my question, his brows pulled together. “What do you mean? Everyone’s invited. Same as the last two years.”

  “Everyone?” I kept my voice casual.

  “Mate, it’s open invite. We always do this.” He rolled his eyes in the di
rection of Z, who just shrugged, content to stay out of it.

  “Is…” Fuck, now I had to say it. “Is Jessa invited?”

  A smirk stole over Cade’s face, and I briefly fantasised about punching him. “Yeah. Jessa’s invited. Everyone is. Same as the last two years.” I glared at him, and he laughed. “Cass. Never thought I’d see the day. You’re so fucked.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Caiden shook his head, and Z muttered something like “no hope.”

  Wankers, both of them.

  “There’d better be loads of single girls there,” I muttered, which just caused them to roll their eyes at me. Again.

  “Who are you trying to fool?” The taunting smirk disappeared from Caiden’s face, and he took a step closer to me. “You know we don’t care if you wanna be with Jessa. She’s…” He took a deep breath and gritted his teeth, like he was having to force the words out. “She’s…really nice. She’s good for you.”

  Despite myself, I found myself grinning. “Did it hurt to say that?”

  He gave me two middle fingers, which was answer enough.

  Our not-at-all-awkward discussion was interrupted by the arrival of West, Lena, and Winter carrying armfuls of alcoholic drinks and cups. Perfect timing. After grabbing a huge bag of ice from the freezer, I headed over to the paddling pool I’d blown up earlier and emptied the bag into it. I made another few trips while the others filled it up with cans and bottles, and with us all working together, it was ready in no time. Zayde and Caiden had disappeared a couple of minutes before I heard the music start up, pumping through the house and bringing a huge smile to my face.

  I fucking loved parties.

  An hour later, it was well under way, and maybe I didn’t love parties so much.

  There was no Jessa.

  I drank.

  Another hour passed, and still no Jessa.

  I drank.

  Another hour. I fucking hated parties.

  I drank.

  There were girls. So many girls. I didn’t want any of them.

  I drank.

  Only Jessa.

  I drank.

  “Did you know Littlefinger gave Jessa a cracked rib?” Lena was suddenly in my face, prodding at my chest.

  “What?” I mumbled. A cracked rib? No, surely she would have said something.

  My chest hurt. “I need to see if she’s okay. Where’s my phone?”

  “Watch it.” Her voice was alarmed as I tripped over nothing, flinging my arms out and grabbing onto the nearest solid surface.

  The surface shook. “Fucking hell, mate. How much have you had to drink?”

  Blinking slowly, I realised that I was holding on to Weston, or was he holding me up…

  Fuck. My foot slipped out from under me, and I tightened my grip on West.

  “Okay. Outside.”

  “I’ve never seen him like this.”

  “Sit him down. I’ll clear the space.”

  “I’ll get some water.”

  Everything went over my head as I was pushed down onto a hard surface, and then an ice-cold glass was shoved into my hands. “Drink this,” a female voice instructed.

  I gulped the water, sinking back into the chair. Whispers and murmurs went over my head while I concentrated on the feel of the glass in my hand, condensation dripping down the sides and running over my fingers.

  “Jessa.”

  No one responded, and I realised that I hadn’t said the words aloud. The glass slipped from my fingers, and I heard a crash, but it sounded like it came from far away.

  The alcohol caught up with me then, and I didn’t know anything else.

  Cringing, I avoided my hazy memory of the party and concentrated on what was happening right now.

  “Our first day of our last year.” I stopped in front of the grey stone building that housed the Brunswick lecture hall.

  Next to me, Winter sighed. “Yeah. I hope this year we can just concentrate on uni work, but whatever happens, it’s going to be hard, isn’t it? Everyone says that the final year is the hardest.”

  Throwing my arm around her shoulders, I dropped a quick kiss on top of her head. “Yeah, babe. But in case you didn’t notice, you’re part of the Alstone elite. You’re the cream of the crop.” She raised a brow, so I continued. “You wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t handle it. You’re clever, talented, all that shit, and you know that Cade and West’s dad thinks of you as his surrogate daughter or whatever. You’ve got a guaranteed job at Alstone Holdings after this.”

  “I know.” Her voice was quiet. “I just want to make sure I’m up to it.”

  “Course you are. You’re Winter Huntington, soon to be Cavendish.” Giving her a wide smile, I held the building door open for her.

  “Soon to be Cavendish. Really. Don’t start. With the hints Arlo drops every time we go over there for a meal…” She made an irritated noise, shaking her head, but a smile tugged at her lips. “Why is everyone so impatient? We’re still uni students.”

  “Because you and Cade are goals?” I offered, following her into the lecture hall.

  “Maybe.” Her gaze turned so fucking soft, and that ache in my chest was back.

  I ignored it, sliding into a seat close to the back of the hall next to Winter.

  “Last first day of our lectures,” she said as she pulled her laptop from her bag and turned it on.

  “Last first—”

  Every. Single. Thought disappeared from my head as Jessa De Witt strutted into the lecture hall, pausing at the bottom of the stairs like she was allowing everyone to get a good look at her.

  Fuck. Me.

  She was so beautiful.

  Her dark hair fell straight and glossy down her back, and her insane curves were poured into tight jeans and a tiny mint green top that reminded me of the bikini she’d worn back at my house.

  Her shoulders straightened, and she fixed her gaze on an empty seat a few rows up from the bottom.

  It was like the beginning of last year all over again, but the hard expression that she’d had back then was missing from her face. I couldn’t even read her expression right now, but I knew her well enough to see the vulnerability that she was trying so desperately to hide.

  The realisation crashed over me like some kind of tidal wave, and I couldn’t fucking breathe.

  I loved her.

  How in the actual fucking fuck had I managed to fall in love?

  Me?

  Fucking hell.

  It wasn’t even her looks, although that was what had attracted me in the first place, and okay, yeah, her physical appearance made my cock hard. Very, very hard. But there was so much more beneath the surface…all the things about her that made her who she was, and made her important to me.

  Now I wanted a relationship. A real, proper relationship.

  With Jessa.

  I wanted everything with her.

  Fucking fuck.

  I didn’t know how to do this. I’d missed her so much. I guess I should’ve had a clue from my frequent texts to her brother asking for updates and my borderline stalkerish surveillance of her apartment, but I was so out of my depth here, so used to superficial flirting and sex and…what was I supposed to do?

  “Winter!” My voice was panicked as my gaze lifted from Jessa and flicked in her direction.

  She didn’t even need to say anything. Her blue eyes met mine, full of understanding, and she reached out, rubbing over my arm.

  I let my head fall back, pinching my brow. “What am I going to do?”

  A slow smile spread across her face. “I’m glad you asked. I have an idea. How comfortable are you talking to Jessa’s brother?”

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  The queue for Sanctuary snaked down the street, and I smiled as Winter and I posed for a selfie, making sure that we had the Sanctuary sign in the background. Despite the club still being fairly new, it was already a venue that people wanted to be seen at. My brother deserved all the success in the world, and
I was more than happy to help out however I could by spreading the word and posting photos. Especially now that no one was after me.

  My nightmares had more or less disappeared, but I’d been seeing a therapist recommended by Lena, and just having that weekly chat was balancing me like nothing else had.

  Things were better, so much better now. But still, I missed Cassius, more than I could ever have imagined.

  That saying, “Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all…” it was wrong. If you’d never loved, how would you know what you were missing?

  That was another thought that was currently banned from my head.

  I focused on my surroundings, smiling at the tall, tattooed bouncer with the shaved head. He waved us in, and I entered the bar area, followed by Winter.

  “Want a drink?” Taking a step towards the bar, I was stopped by her hand on my arm.

  “Not here. Let’s go to the VIP area, shall we?”

  “Okay.” Turning on my heel, I made my way in the direction of the stairs that led to the mezzanine level. Winter flashed me a smile, darting past me to reach the stairs first. I raised a brow at her unusual behaviour but said nothing, just returning her smile.

  When we reached the top of the stairs, I saw Caiden reclined in one of the booths in conversation with my brother and another dark-haired guy.

  I came to a stuttering halt. “Oh. I didn’t know Cade was going to be here.” Shooting Winter a wide-eyed look, I scrambled to amend my words. “I didn’t mean…I’m not annoyed that he’s here or anything. I just didn’t expect—”

  Winter laughed, tilting her head to mine. “Don’t stress. He’s just here to keep me company while you’re…”

  “While I’m what?” I prompted when she left the sentence unfinished. Her gaze darted to my left, and I turned in time to see a man bounding towards me, all glittery, toned skin and a huge grin on his face.

  “While you’re with me!” JJ swept me into his arms, placing a loud, smacking kiss on my cheek.